Everything—everything—you perceive is nothing other than the brilliant reflection of your own radiance.

I used to get little glimpses of it—always for me in nature. A deeper and longer experience of this is called Samadhi. I am going to describe below an experience of Samadhi which was experienced in Oregon a couple of months ago. I bought a piece of property there and the next day my shaman and his partner and I were at the property to do a ceremony with rape’ (pronounced RAH-PAY) and bless the land. We sat down by the river and did that, and after the ceremony I felt incredibly nauseous. We walked back up to the bridge and sat down. Actually I lay down on the bridge. They sat above me and we talked. Actually they talked and I mostly listened. They hope to conceive a child soon. I was listening and blessing that wish but I was sick. I was thankful when they made up some excuse and said they needed to leave. I continued to lie there in the fetal position and watched their forms recede down the dirt pathway back toward where they’d left their car.

After a few minutes I stood up and took of all of my clothes and lay back down naked in the dirt on the bridge. Some of the nausea had abated. I decided to get into the water to see if that would purge the rest of it. I climbed down large, slippery rocks below the bridge and entered the river. It was so icy cold that it was shocking, having only a few hours earlier been snow. “What if there are snakes in the river…nah too cold…what if there are leeches!” The nonsense mind comes up with!

I lay naked in the cold water and imagined a leech attaching itself to my penis. Those thoughts and others came and went for a little while in the theater of mind, appearing and disappearing again like a messenger who arrives and, not finding any master to whom to deliver his message, departs bewildered. I meditated like that in the icy water until there arose a sensation of warmth. Then after a while some sort of numbness began to creep in—body going cold and numb. Somewhere deep in the recesses of consciousness a thought about getting out of the river began to gel and form and eventually conditioned the arising of volition.

So I got out. I climbed back up the rocks and and sat down on the side of the bridge to let the sun dry my body. After my body dried I wrapped a small piece of cloth around my torso and made the video below. The nausea had been replaced with a feeling of intense happiness, joy, freedom.

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Some sort of perceiving all of creation as surreal had also arisen and remained. After a while I stood up and walked over to the Jeep and dressed. It was about a half hour before sunset.

The BLM (Bureau of Land Management, a bureaucracy of the federal government) maintains the paved public road that serves my property. It continues on up and over a large mountain. If it’s open you can take it all the way over into Grants Pass. An angel had told me to drive up the mountain “if you get a chance,” he had said. “But be careful you don’t go too far.” I put that in quotes because that is exactly what he said and he emphasized it.

I am going to give some very important advice now. If an angel ever says to you that you might want to do something, you ought to give serious consideration to doing it. With that in mind I began to drive along the washed out road leading into and out of my property, back to the paved BLM road. I turned right and headed up the mountain.

My property continues up the side of this road for a little ways, so I slowed down to see if I could make out where the boundary was. Suddenly a pair of headlights appeared behind me. “Who the fuck would be driving up this mountain at this time of night, and on a Thursday?” I wondered. My property is the last of the privately-owned tracts—it’s all BLM lands from there all the way up and then back down again (if it’s passable) to Grants Pass. Nobody lives up there.

Those lights kept on appearing behind me for quite a few miles up. It’s like he was timing it just so that about the time I was to go around the next curve, he emerged from the last curve and I would get a glimpse of the headlights before they disappeared again behind me. And so on for quite a while.

A few minutes later I had to start slowing down due to multiple rocks that had fallen onto the road. From that point on up, the road became an obstacle course. It was getting near sundown. The shadows were long and the way down the mountain just a few inches off the right side of the road was steep.

Fallen rocks and chunks of rocks were strewn everywhere now—in some places just barely leaving room for passage. It was a bizarre surreal moon-like scene—some of those rocks were the size of small boulders. I started thinking, “Damn, one of those could roll off that mountain and hit this Jeep and kill me instantly and I’d be dead. Bam. That’s it. Everything gone in an instant.” This was what mind was busying itself with as I drove on up toward the top of the mountain.

Somehow the headlights guy behind me turned around or stopped or something because at a certain point the lights were just gone and I never saw them again. I half-expected to see him waiting for me on the way down, but I would see not one soul all the way back to Selma. I briefly wondered why someone would drive to some place short of where I was and then just turn around and leave. But that seems to be what happened.

Anyway, eventually I came to a place where a thick stand of conifers kept the road shielded from the sun’s light and warmth. In the shadows of the trees a thin layer of melting ice topped several inches of snow, blanketing the entire road for as far ahead as I could see.

I wondered for a moment how long it would be before this very ice would flow as water through my property. A few days? A week?

That was what was going on in my mind as I stood there at the edge of the snow with massive Coast Redwoods, their tops obscured in a thin wispy fog, towering above. Some of these gigantic trees just barely clung to the sides of the steep embankments that rose a hundred feet above the road. Some of the trees’ roots were exposed, extending like huge toes trying to claw into the ground in a desperate attempt to maintain a foothold. “A foothold which will not be maintained,” I thought, “That tree will fall over this road and then BLM will need to come up here and cut it up to clear the road. It is bound to happen, but probably not until after I leave.”

This small glacier was quite obviously the place the angel was talking about. I was sort of expecting the point of no return to be a little more subtle, but whatever. There would be no way to even walk across that sheet of ice without immediately falling on my ass and slipping into the steep dark hole below the conifer stand. Nevermind trying to drive a vehicle through there.

I shut off the Jeep, got out and walked over to where I could see down the mountain a ways. The sun was about to set. I sat down to meditate on one of the flatter rocks. Utterly alone, forgotten, small. Powerless.

I hesitate to describe how awesome it is—this Samadhi, this longer glimpse into what you and I really are. Apart from the fact that it is utterly impossible to describe or even know—ineffable—there is a significant risk of beings mistaking experience for enlightenment and starting to crave it.

Enlightenment is not an experience. I repeat, enlightenment is not an experience. Enlightenment is an uncorrupted view. And that’s it.

If you start craving it, looking for it, being worried that someone else has it and you don’t, etc., you should recognize this as standard human bullshit. The only desire which has any spiritual value at all is the desire to be liberated from suffering. Contrary to what a lot of misguided “gurus” say, having a strong desire for liberation is absolutely necessary. Without it enlightenment is not possible.

This samadhi is like some sort of portal opens up. I hesitate to describe the point of becoming one with the non-dual satchitananda as an experience at all. Don’t try to see it. Don’t try to understand it. Don’t vainly seek it. If you do any of this, you will fail. By attempting to see it you see it not. By attempting to know it you know it not. By attempting to find it you find it not.

You’ve experienced it before. I’m sure you have. When have you been in complete awe of something such that you were struck dumb by the power and beauty of it? Maybe you could conceive it as a peaceful, blissful kind of joy. Some people get a glimpse when they see a particularly beautiful sunset. Or a mountain. Or something else in nature that reminds them of their complete insignificance in the face of it.

There is the tiniest minute bit of it at the point of an orgasm. Some may experience it at the birth of their first child. This samadhi I’m talking about is just a large dose of precisely that…stuff, light, love, God, Brahman, Allah, et al. It’s just a very large dose of that, and it is such a large dose that it is possible to recognize what it is and come back from it knowing “I am that,” and then not become seduced again into believing that existence is limited to and confined in this rotting piece of quivering flesh I call “my body,” which in a few more hours or days will become food for buzzards or worms anyway.

This samadhi is necessary for a spiritual awakening. It can be attained using meditative techniques and it can be attained in other ways, including by consuming psychoactive plant medicines. These samadhis, however induced, are not to be understood as the “underlying reality” or any such silly thing as that. They should be understood as agents which for a brief period of time artificially cure enough of the defects of your own mind that you see clearly—the doors of perception are briefly made less opaque.

Some people start craving these experiences, and in so doing they get way off track spiritually. Luckily the medicines themselves help cure the problem by a process which reduces their efficacy for producing the desired effects if they continue to be misused as agents of pleasure. These medicines are a gift and a blessing for mankind. But like all of God’s gifts, many people inevitably fuck them up and corrupt them—usually in the name of money. This is to be expected.

So the bottom line, an experience of samadhi lets you know what is possible. It gives you a glimpse of what you are, and what you are is awesome. But in order to stop suffering, it is necessary to know the truth (I am not body-mind) and also to embody that truth. I can probably convince you intellectually of the former in less than an hour. Then you might spend the rest of your life, or several more lifetimes, deeply engaged in spiritual practices to perfect the latter.

If you get enough of a glimpse of true nature for long enough, it will choicelessly reorient your life in Its direction.

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The sun had set and darkness settled down on the mountain. I drove slowly and carefully back down, past my property again and on down into Selma. I stopped at the local supermarket there and bought water and something to eat and a t-shirt. Then I continued on back to Grants Pass and my Air BnB room. I was tired but I did not sleep for quite a while. The next day I drove to Medford, got on a plane and flew up to Seattle.

In downtown Seattle, drug-addled groups of zombie-like humans occupied various street corners, many openly smoking meth. I walked in and among them. I hugged one man’s neck who seemed inclined to hug, and gave all of them who asked whatever money I had. There were two or three men in different places just standing on corners screaming incoherent nonsense at the top of their lungs to everyone and no one, their minds completely obscured and mired in ignorance, consumed by an inchoate rage. If you do not believe that there are beings suffering in hell realms, go to Seattle and walk around downtown. I’m sure there are other places too.

The next day I rode a train back to SeaTac, boarded a Delta 757 and flew back to Atlanta. I’ve got it in my mind to head back out as soon as I can for the purpose of abiding in noble silence for a good long while.

Update August 2013: Here is a news piece I ran across a couple months after I was in Seattle: https://youtu.be/GvRX9fNMW00.

Here is a link to the YouTube video in which I discuss this:

First I will provide an overview of of the current state of the science on quantum mechanics, as I understand it. By way of background, this author holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Applied Mathematics, a Master of Arts in Strategic Studies, and a Juris Doctorate.

I will then offer conclusions based on the current state of the science and “my” own experiences in meditative and other states of altered consciousness.

I. Overview of the current science

A quantum system refers to any physical system that exhibits behavior governed by the principles of quantum mechanics. Quantum mechanics is a branch of physics that deals with matter at very small scales, such as atoms, subatomic particles, and photons. Unlike classical systems, quantum systems display unique properties that are not intuitive and often defy classical expectations, such as:

1. Superposition: Particles in a quantum system can exist in multiple states simultaneously. For example, an electron in an atom does not have a single defined position but exists in a probability distribution until measured or observed.

2. Entanglement: Particles in a quantum system can become “entangled,” meaning their states are interdependent, even if separated by large distances. Changing the state of one particle affects the other particle instantaneously, regardless of distance, a phenomenon Einstein famously called “spooky action at a distance.”

3. Quantization: Certain properties, like energy, come in discrete “quanta,” or packets, rather than being continuous. This means that a particle’s energy levels are restricted to specific values.

4. Wave-Particle Duality: Particles in a quantum system, like electrons or photons, can behave both as particles and as waves.

Quantum systems are described by wave functions—probability functions that encode the probabilities of a particle’s properties, such as position and momentum. When measured, these wave functions “collapse” to specific values, making quantum systems dependent on observation and measurement.

5. Observation and measurement. What happens when a quantum system is observed or measured, and why is this considered a “problem” in theoretical physics?

The “measurement problem” concerns what happens when a quantum system is observed or measured. In quantum mechanics, particles like electrons and photons are described by a wave function: a probability distribution of all of the possible states the particle could be in. Once an initial observation takes place, the wave function collapses and evolves deterministically according to a mathematical equation known as Schrodinger’s equation.

Before an observation takes place, the particle is in a superposition of all possible states. See, e.g., the Schrodinger’s Cat thought experiment. But when the system is observed or measured, the wave function collapses to a single outcome. This collapse is not explained by the standard equations of quantum mechanics, leading to questions about what exactly constitutes a “measurement” or observation and why it causes the apparent collapse of what had been a set of probabilities into a single outcome. The conundrum is whether wave function collapse is a real, physical process or simply a result of the observer’s interaction with the system.

There are different interpretations of Quantum Mechanics. According to some interpretations—particularly the Copenhagen interpretation—a particle does not come into conventional physical existence until the quantum system is observed or measured. This interpretation, first advanced by Niels Bohr, Werner Heisenberg, Max Born and others, suggests that, before measurement, a quantum system “exists” in a superposition of all possible states, without definite properties like position or momentum. When a measurement or observation is made, the wave function collapses into a single outcome and, then and only then, the particle takes on physical properties. So in this view, particles lack physical attributes until the system is observed. This idea challenges the classical understanding of reality, where objects are simply “there,” having definite properties whether or not they are observed or measured.

The Copenhagen Interpretation is one of the oldest and most widely taught interpretations of quantum mechanics.

Alternatives to the Copenhagen interpretation include the so-called “many-worlds” or Everett interpretation. This interpretation denies wave function collapse and suggests instead that all possible outcomes of quantum observations are realized in a vast multiverse of branching realities. Each observation splits the universe of observer and observed into as many outcomes as possible, with each outcome happening in its own “world” or universe.

Yet another interpretation is De-Broglie-Bohm, a deterministic theory where particles have definite positions and velocities at all times, guided by a wave function. The act of measurement or observation reveals these properties but doesn’t actually cause a collapse of the wave function.

Finally, Quantum Bayesianism (QBism) views the wave function as a reflection of an observer’s personal knowledge or beliefs about the system, which is updated upon observation. In QBism, the wave function does not represent an objective reality but rather the observer’s personal belief or information about a quantum system. It’s a tool for making probabilistic predictions about future measurements.

Probabilities in QBism are subjective, reflecting the observer’s degree of belief about an event based on the observer’s information. When an observer observes a quantum system, they update their beliefs and probabilities based on the outcome.

In QBism, the measurement outcomes are personal experiences for the observer. The result of an observation does not reveal an objective fact about the quantum system, but rather updates the observer’s knowledge.

In short, in QBism the focus is on the observer’s internal knowledge. It emphasizes how quantum mechanics improves the quality of predictions based on the information the observer has, rather than by describing an objective world that is independent of the observer.

We may now consider whether the Universe as a whole may be considered a quantum system, and we find that indeed it can be. This idea comes from the field of quantum cosmology, which applies quantum mechanics to the entire universe. In this framework, the universe is described by a wave function that encompasses all possible states and histories.

However, this idea of the universe as a quantum system raises a number of profound questions and challenges:

1. Quantum superposition: Just like particles, prior to observation or measurement, the universe “exists” in a quantum superposition of every possible configuration of all possible universes. Upon observation, the universal wave function collapses, spawning a universe that evolves deterministically in accordance with mathematics—the Schrödinger Equation or something akin to it.
2. Measurement or observation: If the universe is a quantum system, who or what is the observer?
3. Initial conditions: Quantum cosmology tries to explain the initial state of the universe, such as the conditions at the Big Bang, using quantum principles. Note that the Big Bang—long an accepted theory about how the universe came into being—has come under some amount of criticism by respected cosmologists and physicists for reasons that are beyond the scope of this missive. In short, no one seems to be sure how “all of this” got started. But as yet there is no generally accepted alternative theory, only modifications of Big Bang, e.g., cosmic inflation.

Nested quantum systems are theoretically possible. In other words, a quantum system can exist embedded within another quantum system. Indeed, a large quantum system may be divided into many smaller subsystems, each of which will exhibit quantum behavior. For example, a molecule as a whole is a quantum system, but each atom within the molecule is another quantum system in its own right.

Furthermore, quantum systems may become entangled, meaning the state of one system is dependent on the state of the other. This can happen at multiple levels—possibly an infinite number—creating nested layers of entanglement within a large quantum system.

In complex quantum systems such as those found in biological organisms or quantum computers, it is possible to have multiple layers of quantum systems interacting with each other. Each layer follows quantum rules, and their interactions lead to complex behaviors which may be analyzed at different scales.

In summary, nested quantum systems illustrate the rich and intricate nature of quantum mechanics, where multiple layers of “reality” may coexist and influence one another.

Now I wish to consider universal quantum wave function collapse, gravity, and time. Some approaches to quantum gravity, such as the Wheeler-Dewitt equation, imply “timelessness” at the fundamental level. According to Wheeler-Dewitt, time as we know and experience it might emerge from a more profound, timeless quantum state. This “quantum-to-classical” transition on a universal scale is an area of active research and debate in theoretical physics.

Combining these ideas, if the universe is a quantum system comprised of other nested and interconnected quantum systems, it is conceivable that the initial “observation” leading to wave function collapse could happen simultaneously across all levels. Further, some theories of quantum cosmology suggest an interdependent, holistic relationship among quantum states within the universe.

Thus, in certain interpretations, the collapse of a wave function could be viewed as non-local. In this view, all entangled or nested parts of the universal quantum system collapse or reach definiteness simultaneously, as they are interdependent and not separable in the classical (space-time) sense.

Some ideas in theoretical physics, such as the holographic principle, suggest that each part of the universe reflects the whole. If the universe’s wave function collapses, this simultaneously informs and defines all subsystems within it, as each part contains information about the whole.

Quantum gravity and theories like Wheeler-Dewitt suggest that, at the most fundamental level, time is an emergent property rather than a fundamental one. If time arises only within the universe, then the “moment” of collapse could transcend our conventional idea of simultaneity, allowing for a kind of “timeless” or eternal collapse that is somehow “always” happening.

Finally, some interpretations propose that the universe “self-observes” through internal interactions, causing simultaneous collapse across all levels of the system. This self-referential observation might lead to a single, consistent state existing in one timeless, all-encompassing event.

This is the end of the summary of current science. Now I wish to share my own conclusions, drawn from the above science and informed by my experiences in meditative and other altered states of Consciousness:

1. The universe is a quantum system.

2. The observer is outside the system and cannot therefore be observed, seen, or understood by the system or any nested system (“person”) within it.

3. There is only a single observer for all quantum systems, and I am That (Aham Brahmasmi).

4. You are the observer of your quantum system, which is your own private universe arising out of you and being withdrawn back into you more or less continuously, creating the twin illusions of time and causality.

5. There is only One observer, and You are That—Tat Tvam Asi; and so am I—Aham Brahmasmi.

4. Each person lives alone in a universe of One.

3. All experience is mere reflection of the Observer. Otherwise the Observer has no way to experience Its own glory, as it perennially shines forth like the rays of the sun. A ray of the sun cannot bend back or turn around and illumine the sun. Only by virtue of being reflected off an object is it possible for the sun to experience its own luminosity.)

2. Human interactions are interactions between independent quantum systems—two or more universes colliding, as it were.

1. Time and causation are emergent—imputations of mind.

Peace

Addendum: A movie I highly recommend is Copenhagen, starring Daniel Craig as Werner Heisenberg and Stephen Rea as Niels Bohr, about their meeting in Copenhagen during the Second World War. It’s a fascinating study on the inner workings of the minds of brilliant men. Francisca Annis is also quite amazing as Bohr’s wife and confidante Magrethe.

Free on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/RTn9eKfH11M?si=nid2htk_79rln9k5

Consciousness serves Its own purpose.

Consciousness manifests as form in order to experience Itself for a short while before resolving back into formlessness.

Consciousness appears as cycles of birth and death, growth and decay, creation and destruction.

You and I and the cat sleeping at my feet are all individualized expressions of the one Consciousness.

As a wave appearing on the surface of an endless ocean of bliss, Consciousness dances for a moment with Itself as other waves,

before disappearing again into the vast sea of Its own tranquility.

Consciousness forgets Itself in this dance and comes to believe it exists only as this particular wave.

And then It remembers.

…these would be the prerequisites:

1. First prerequisite: Have attended at least one 10-day S.N. Goenka meditation retreat. I can teach meditation but they teach it better. I can refine what they teach and explain how it connects to a path to awakening. The two meditation techniques they teach—Anapanasati and Vipassana in the Burmese tradition—are tools. Trying to become enlightened without these tools would be like trying to bush hog a Kudzu field with a pair of scissors.

Meditation alone can not lead to awakening. Meditation is a tool—and mostly being taught poorly by modern “secular” meditation teachers such as Shinzen Young and Leigh Brasington, both of whom are charlatans. (I’ve sat retreats with both.)

Any system which purports to lead to awakening or enlightenment or “transcendence,” which ignores or fails to place emphasis on the importance of morality/ethics/karma, is a false teaching and a waste of time for those seeking the complete cessation of suffering. Moreover, any teacher who depends on teaching for his or her livelihood is operating under an inherent, per se conflict of interest. It follows that anyone who has the Dharma up for sale should be considered a charlatan until proved otherwise.

2. Second prerequisite: Abandon all forms of dishonesty. People who are engaging in dishonesty are still too caught up in the illusion to make much spiritual progress. The goal is to break free of the illusion, not get further bound up in it by creating webs of dishonesty.

Courageous honesty means a little light is shining through.

3. Third: Have developed a distaste for the world and all of its “pleasures.” Chasing sense pleasure satisfaction and ego gratification are like licking honey off the blade of a razor—anyone who hasn’t figured this out will keep drinking honey mixed with their own blood for a few million more rounds until they do.

Most of the people I used to know were still trying to wring permanent happiness out of worldly experiences and status. Either that or they had sort of accepted with “quiet desperation” that there was no joy to be found, yet they are still unable (caught up as they are) to seek spiritual or psychological help. These types will continue in the round until the suffering intensifies and humility ensues, at which time awareness will begin to dawn.

4. No remaining strong worldly attachments. This precludes most women with children.

5. Has the ability to understand that without silence no music is possible. Understanding this, a curiosity about the silence will arise, along with a desire to pay attention to it using the aforementioned tools. Then, after doing that for a while, the silence becomes more compelling than the notes, and the notes become superfluous and disappear. This can be frightening.

Keep going! Because at some point the notes return, and the primordial symphonic harmony is restored!

This is the peace that surpasses all understanding, the bliss of the Buddha.

Peace

P.S. I too am a charlatan.

Science is as much a myth as religion.

If you don’t believe me, start looking into particle physics. Particles are what stuff is made of. Everything you experience—your body, your clothes, your house, your car, your friends—literally every thing is composed of particles.

Every thing is composite.

Particle physicists study particles. The basic gist of what they spend their time doing is, they split particles open, attempt to isolate the constituents of such particles, and then they study those constituents.

The idea, it seems, is to finally arrive at the Constituent of all Constituents: the fundamental, foundational (initial?) particle.

Which is sort of a fool’s errand, but it gives particle physicists job security for as far into the future as they wish to continue the search.

When scientists first discovered the atom, they believed that they had located the fundamental particle. The word “atom” comes from the Latin átomos. In Latin, “a” means not; and “tomos” means divisible. Atom: not divisible.

Which ended up being a misnomer because it turns out that atoms are divisible. We call their constituents subatomic particles, or hadrons. That was the science I was being taught way, way back, when I was in high school. I remember studying and being fascinated by the various combinations of neutrons, protons, and electrons that form atoms, and from atoms elements.

(I pay homage now to my high school science teacher, Mr. Lindsey J. Forester, III.)

So basically particle physicists keep on breaking stuff open and coming up with new stuff, which then requires a further breaking open—this is reductionism. They’ve even built a huge machine (over 17 miles long) called the Large Hadron Collider, near Geneva, Switzerland. This machine uses magnets to accelerate particles to near the speed of light, then smashes them into each other. Particle physicists watch all this to see if any other particles are generated by this high-energy/low mass collision.

And they’ve discovered some weird and mysterious stuff. For example there is a particle called a gluon which is massless.

Try to get your head around the idea of a particle which has no mass. If you’re a hard-core materialist there will be a quiz on this later.

Well I’ve got some news for everyone: there is no end to reductionism. Which means there is no fundamental particle or thing. Even if scientists were to build a collider the size of the universe, a fundamental particle will never be discovered. There will always be more.

It’s turtles all the way down.

Down to what? No one will ever be able to say. It’s not something, and it’s not nothing. And it’s not neither something nor nothing, nor is it both. It is not even an “it.”

I have realized this from meditation and contemplation of certain Buddhist philosophical ideas which hold that every thing is a composite—made of other, ever smaller things. So every time particle physicist tear apart one thing, the constituents of that thing will themselves be comprised of other things which are themselves composite.

The regression is infinite.

Thus there is not now and never will there be found a fundamental particle. Which means particle physicists will always have more things to play around with. If you were to die and be reborn 2500 years from now, lots of things will have changed. But there might very well still be a contingent of the future version of particle physicists building larger and larger colliders, busily in search of the so-called God particle.

Imagine if there were a fundamental particle and someone discovered it. That person would be awarded a Nobel Prize and their stature would immediately eclipse that of Newton. But then of course the science of particle physics would shut down and particle physicists would all need to get new jobs. So this Buddhist philosophical idea that I’m talking about should be celebrated by particle physicists, to the extent that they enjoy their work and desire job security.

Here’s the way it works at a more fundamental philosophical level: As long as there is a strong enough collective desire to search for new particles, new particles will emerge to be “discovered.”

It’s sort of like a Mandelbrot set.

The same thing happens with respect to time. And now I wish to pivot and discuss very briefly the sciences which deal with the origin of the material universe—mostly cosmology and quantum mechanics. As long as there are curious scientists, the mysteries of deep space, black holes, the Big Bang (or not), inflation theory, string theory, etc. will continue to deepen. Some mysteries will be apparently resolved, while others will remain forever intractable. To the extent that a mystery becomes resolved via science, the resolution itself will spawn further mysteries. And so on.

Science therefore fails ultimately to provide any rational explanation for anything. All of the discoveries of science rest on premises and principles which are not now and never can be understood or explained. Kurt Gödel has already proved this mathematically.

So science is simply a way—one way—to attempt to make sense of and explain what most people perceive as phenomenal reality. Religions and mystical traditions offer other ways. One way is not necessarily better or more true or more accurate than another.

People who believe that science is the end-all, be-all of everything don’t really understand science. They haven’t looked deeply enough into it.

The best technique is to study and understand as many different metaphysical systems as one dares, seeing them all as mere conceptual frameworks superimposed over some great mystery which is not and can never be within the purview of human understanding.

In short, science is as much a myth as religion.

By taking this view, science and religion begin to harmonize and complement each other, rather than standing in mutual contrast and opposition.

Whatever you believe is your reality.

So you’d better be careful what you believe. The best option might be to abandon all belief in anything except God, which is just a simple word I sometimes use to describe the deep mystery of being.

Peace

“Be here now.” It’s the mantra of many a guru. 1960s Harvard psychologist turned acid freak, turned disciple of Indian guru, turned guru himself Richard Alpert (aka Ram Dass) even wrote a book and named it that. I’ve read it.

I’ve never actually read anything that would tend to explain how exactly one is supposed to go about being here now. First one would need to inquire into what exactly the word “now” means in this context.

What exactly is “now?” Might we say that “now” is the dividing point between past and future? That sounds plausible to me.

So now we must inquire further into what past and future are. Most people think of their past as their actual history. The actual history of who they are.

Is this a correct view? Is it a correct view for me to believe that my “past” is the history of who I am?

There’s a lot of history there, and most of it not remembered. So is it possible that, instead of being the actual history of who I am, the past is instead a story I’ve cobbled together from bits and pieces of remembered events and people? Am I not simply making up my past by telling myself a story and then believing it?

And what is the future? It’s the space where all of my hopes and dreams and plans reside. It’s that space in which I hope to live a long and happy life and watch my children grow. Or make a billion dollars. Or become an actor. Or merely survive. It’s that space “out there” where some or all of these dreams and aspirations may or may not come true.

So it’s really also just a story being spun up in the mind.

So now I’ve established that the past isn’t the actual history of who I am. It’s just a story I’m making up from this point now looking backwards. I am believing that story and claiming it as “my past.”

Future is a story which contains hopes, dreams, aspirations, fears, etc.

So let us say that “now” is the middle point between two stories: the story of my past and the story of my future.

<—-Story of my past—♻️—Story of my future—->

If there are many regrets, failures, shoulda-woulda-coulda stuff; or if there are many “look how great I am because I did x, y, and z” that’s a huge complicated story.

If there are a great many hopes, dreams, aspirations, anticipated outcomes, etc., that’s a huge complicated story.

Most people’s pasts are huge complicated stories.

Most people’s futures are huge complicated stories.

What happens when one begins, on a spiritual path, to un-complicate the stories of past and future, is that the present moment goes from having been infinitesimally small and never noticed (although it’s always there) to the beginning of an expansion. (Einstein told us that time is relative.) So cutting loose from stories of past and future gives “be here now” a little room to grow.

In many ways, deep spiritual work of the seeker on the path of inquiry and self-reflection (Jnana Yoga) is the work of dismantling past and future.

Cutting off completely the story of one’s past is to lose completely one’s identity.

Cutting off completely the story of one’s future is the abandoning of the desire to exist (let alone all the other stuff).

“Free from all old stories I’ve been told, I walk through the valley of my own shadow.“

-Yaima, Gajumaru, https://youtu.be/qTse2hkPxYU?si=Y1MiirrHi9y_5nuJ

When this happens, the present moment expands infinitely. And I find myself right here, right now—exactly where I’ve always been.

Peace

I do a type of meditation where I go back meditatively to the beginning of the universe.

I’ve written before that the foundational philosophical element of the universe is word, or sound. This is the sound A-U-M, or Om. Meditating on the syllable OM single-pointedly will cause a meditative regression all the way back to the first syllable (physics: field vibration) which proliferated into this material universe which is being experienced in this instant.

In the instant you are reading this.

The universe ceases to be in me—indeed it is absorbed into me and then regurgitated again.

If you take the view that “OM” as ultimate reality your view is corrupted. Therefore you can, by definition, only meditatively regress that far. The level of corruption of view is directly related to the level of meditative absorption (samadhi).

The ultimate reality is shunya. Once this is meditated on analytically until some understanding dawns, one may be able to meditatively regress to OM, and then abandon OM.

Thus, the desire to exist must be abandoned and one must allow oneself to disintegrate completely and irretrievably.

This is easier said than done.

Peace

This is meant to be the first part of a discussion and comparison of conceptualizations of “ultimate reality” according to Mahayana Buddhism on the one hand and Advaita Vedanta on the other. This first part discusses ultimate reality mostly from the view of Advaita Vedanta. I write from my own experiences in samadhi and with knowledge I have gained over the past seven years of gradually disengaging from the world to devote most of my time to meditation and study of Mahayana Buddhism, Advaita Vedanta, and the original teachings of Jesus the Christ.

The word “Advaita” is Sanskrit, meaning “non-secondness.” The idea is that ultimate reality is non-dual, which is to say one only, without a second.

Let’s consider this idea of one only without a second as it applies to concepts of both space and time.

With regard to time, one only without a second implies no before or after. If “this present moment” is one only, without a second, it must be eternal—without any moments prior to or next.

If ultimate reality takes up all time, as it were, “prior to” and “next” are precluded or subsumed. Prior to and next are thus demonstrated as products of mind only—parts of a conceptual framework being superimposed over the one eternal ultimate reality of this present moment.

With regard to space, if there is only thing, that thing must exist everywhere, which is to say it must take up all possible space, leaving no room for anything else.

Otherwise there would exist some space, somewhere, where ultimate reality would be absent, establishing at least two other realities: (1) the space—regardless how small and even if empty of objects—in which ultimate reality is absent, and (2) the boundary between the space where the ultimate reality is present and that in which it is absent. Indeed, ultimate reality as one without a second must be unbounded, because the existence of a boundary—itself—would constitute a second reality or thing.

Ultimate reality collapses distinctions between space and time.

Conceptual frameworks obscure ultimate reality in the minds of ignorant beings, who take the frameworks themselves as real. Imagine driving across a desert for the first time not knowing anything about mirages and seeing a mirage appear in the distance. Mind creates a conceptual framework in which a pool of water exists in the middle of a desert. A pool of water is believed into being where none actually exists.

The perceived pool of water arises in mind only—part of a conceptual framework superimposed over the underlying reality of no water. Moreover, as long as the mirage is taken to be real, the underlying reality of no water will be obscured and not perceived.

Anyone who is firmly convinced that the only existent reality is the day-to-day reality they perceive via their five senses will regard the idea of an ultimate realty—a reality existing apart from, outside of, or prior to that which is available via the senses—the same way they regard ghost stories, fairy tales, and Bigfoot.

[These people must also implicitly deny the existence of God, regardless of what they might say if asked.]

Advaita Vedanta supplies a name for ultimate reality: Brahman. This should be understood as being for convenience only, purely in order to facilitate discussion and not as indicating any type of person or entity or any thing whatsoever.

It is possible to use reason to gain an intellectual understanding of all of the above. This is not enlightenment. Enlightenment requires an actual meditative experience of ultimate reality: a complete shut down of all production of conceptual overlays. One has an actual experience of pure being. Which is to say, one becomes pure being. Or one disappears and pure being only remains. This is what I define as enlightenment or awakening.

In order to make a complete collapse of all conceptual overlay possible at all, a firm intellectual understanding of everything discussed above must arise. It can not and will not arise in a mind which continues to be substantially involved and caught up in the affairs of the world. This is the reason that a prerequisite to enlightenment is having experienced the arising of a firm distaste for the world and all of its illusory attractions and pleasures.

1. Death is an illusion.

2. The idea that causes produce effects is illusion.

3. Time is non-ens: nonexistent, a creation of mind.

4. Every individual lives alone in a universe of one.

5. Universes are created from beginning to end and destroyed from beginning to end instantaneously, in every moment of consciousness.

6. Multiple moments of consciousness (and thus universes) arise and pass away in each second of perceived time.

7. Each individual perceives the apparent passage of time differently. (Einstein, 1915.)

8. Observer is neither identical to, nor other than, that which is observed. Example: I see a tree. I am neither the same as, nor other than, the tree. If I were the same as the tree, how could I see it? If I were other than the tree, how could it arise?

There is a thought experiment which describes Mary, a scientist, who exists in a completely black-and-white world. However, she has devoted her entire life to studying the physical and scientific descriptions of color. Indeed she knows everything that can possibly be known about color. She knows all about photons, the spectrum of light, the different receptors of the eye, the optic nerve, the neural processes in the brain that generate imagery, etc. Yet she has no actual perceptual experience of color.

Then one day someone opens the door to Mary’s black and white world and she steps through to the other side, where the world is vibrant and rich with color.

Up until that moment, she was certain that she knew everything there was to know about color and would learn nothing new upon stepping through the door.

Did she?

I am my shaman’s legal advisor. He lives in Oregon with his partner on a compound where they perform ceremonies with the sacred tribal plant medicine 5 MEO DMT.

They travel around the country “carrying the medicine”—which is to say, being invited to someone’s home for the purpose of dosing a group of people with the medicine in a ceremonial setting.

They charge for this. The way it works is, someone (usually the owner of a piece of property that is fairly remote) organizes a ceremony and invites a handful—I’ve seen anywhere from ten to over 40–of like-minded people to take part.

We camp out, interact, break bread together and socialize. Mostly it’s a bunch of hippies, various social outcasts and dropouts, and the occasional converted square wannabe-hippie like me. The medicines offered are Bufo and Kambo. “Bufo” is 5 MEO DMT. Kambo is a purging agent, and participants are asked to provide their own vomit buckets. The use of cannabis is general at these gatherings.

My shaman was given the name Ramadasa by his teacher. Ramadasa means “worshipper of God” in Sanskrit. It’s a slightly different elucidation of the moniker Richard Alpert’s guru gave him in India in 1967: Ram Das.

Ramadasa charges a per person fee and specifies a minimum number of participants in order to cover his and his partner Kumari Kandam’s travel expenses from Oregon.

On this particular occasion, Ramadasa and Kumari flew into Chicago’s O’Hare International airport with a suitcase full of crystallized 5 MEO DMT, a natural extract of the venomous skin secretions of the Sonoran Desert Toad. It’s one of the most powerful psychedelics known to exist.

On this trip, the trouble started almost immediately when the minimum number of participants was not met and the organizer, Joe, had not been honest about it. Things got worse after Ramadasa learned that Joe had also padded the ceremony fees by a couple hundred bucks and pocketed the difference. (Editor’s note: This type of manipulation involving money completely taints a ceremony.)

Finally, to top everything off, Joe found a reason to stiff Ramadasa and Kumari out of an additional $400 worth of ceremony fees.

By the time I was consulted, this whole thing had gone as far as Ramadasa sending a message to Joe then immediately blocking him. Followed by Joe sending Ramadasa messages from a burner phone number. In the latest of Joe’s messages, he threatened to report Ramadasa and Kumari to the FAA for smuggling 5 MEO DMT aboard commercial flights.

Ramadasa wanted me to put my lawyer hat on and write a cease and desist letter signed by me, Mr. Esq., on a fancy letterhead, sent via Certified Mail, Return Receipt Requested and all that sort of jazz. Which I can easily do and often did do back when I was still practicing law.

Okay, so what is really going on here? Could it possibly be a pissing contest between two men, neither of which wants to allow the other to have the last word? How best to proceed from the perspective of the law and the right thing to do?

This guy Joe had also reminded Ramadasa of several people he had hurt, as in put in the hospital. Ramadasa sent me a screen shot of a message in which Joe had texted, “I never told you how bad I am, but if you want to find out….”

[I’m thinking the medicine seems wasted on people like this, locked—hopelessly it seems—in mind states predominated by anger and ego: reactive, vindictive, and rage-filled.]

I needed to tell Ramadasa and Kumari that such a letter should not be sent. From a legal standpoint, whatever the guy may have already done is done. And frankly I don’t think FAA and TSA are all that concerned about people carrying stuff on planes unless it’s fentanyl or meth or something. Plus, hopefully they are way more concerned about terrorists than Toad Medicines.

But anyway, I got to thinking that Ramadasa wanted me to send that letter so that he could have the absolute final last word. And goddamnit my last word comes from my fucking lawyer! So fuck you! Or something like that in his mind.

That’s sort of the emotion. It needs to be noticed and laughed at and let go of immediately. Otherwise it will hook you.

I needed to help Ramadasa stay unhooked.

I told him the legal reason why no letter should be sent: because some people get riled up if they get a certified letter from a lawyer and start doing even crazier things. Let the sleeping dog lie. Let him have the last word.

What is the spiritual or psychological answer, which I did not share, mainly because he perceives himself to be my shaman and therefore on a higher spiritual level of understanding than I, and because of this he has no ears to hear anything I might say if he perceives it in any way as a spiritual teaching from me to him.

Pride. 🤷

But alas, even the truth should not be spoken unless it will bring some benefit to a being.

Ultimately what is seen is that these situations keep arising in our lives to give us yet another chance to learn spiritual lessons. In this case the lesson is about turning the other cheek and letting go of all that ego bullshit which is in the nature of anger and a desire to lash out and hurt or psychologically dominate another human being whom one perceives has wronged one.

The solution, again, is non-reactivity: don’t send a lawyer letter. Instead, send waves of love and joy.

This is the spiritual rationale.

Peace

P.S. Rewind to two weeks ago, before they ever left for Michigan. He told me they were about to leave, and two or three times I heard the voice of my mind telling me to help them with their travel expenses. So then I spontaneously Venmoed him $500. That was God, in her beauty and power and grace, shuffling Her money around and making him whole, plus a little bit.

Maybe that’s the way this whole thing is supposed to work.

P/o